30 Days Before I Hit 30

I will be transparent. I will allow my almost 30 self to be emo one last time so I can bury being emo along with 29.

You know how writing down whatever pent up emotions you have make everything a wee bit better? No? Blimey.

I am the most terrible writer in the world but I still do it anyway. A journal (or this platform) does the trick of keeping the demons at bay.

Lately I've been letting the demon comparison take away my joy. I keep on obsessing how this someone or that someone has so much, I could never catch up. Ugly thoughts, I know. And ashamed as I am whenever I snap out of it, the dirty thoughts won't go away. The sad part is - and I acknowledge that this is WRONG - I keep reverting, and in the process, blame it on the circumstance of how I came into this world.

I keep on counting all the things I am not accomplishing, the things I've been missing out on, the plans/dreams that never reached fruition. How most of the time I feel so alone in whatever mathematical equation the universe is putting me through.

That I forget I have a lot of things to be thankful for. Waking up each day, eating twice a day, having a job, water and electricity, not getting mugged whenever I get home from work. 8 years ago, all I wanted was to eat a decent meal at least once a day in order to live and face another day but mainly, strength to deal with another trigonometry and calculus problem sets. My needs were basic. How did I let myself become so worldly?

It might seem silly to want and desire a lot of things but that's the beauty (and heartbreak) of being human. We were cut out for this. It's just a matter of determining how to execute these wants and desires.

Your move.

You can work and tire yourself like a horse but still it wouldn't be enough. 

You can help steer someone else's life to make it better but you can only do so much, they gotta help themselves too. 

Some bastards get really lucky and it's not even their fault. You can't blame them for getting all the great stuff while a third of this world's population wring in various kinds of suffering.

As my favorite phrase puts it it is what it is.

I have to will myself to get out of this slump, otherwise I'm gonna be a miserable, old witch. I don't want to be a miserable, old witch. I'm too bouncy to be a witch!

It seems my well of positivism towards others run dry when it comes to myself. I think I'm being too hard on myself and have always had. I've been denied too much in this lifetime and here I go, continuously denying myself of the little things that could make me happy. The curse of my forefathers are not mine to bear.

Only I can help myself snap out of this. The universe wouldn't want a green and wretched girl under its wing. 

Frustrations and unrealized dreams will be the death of me but I suppose, in the end, these'll all be still up to me. There's no other equation. It sucks but it is what it is. 

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A la livejournal:

Mood: wistful

Background song: Time To Pretend - MGMT

2013: The Year of Living (and Saving Up) Dangerously

So. We have come to this part of the year again. December 31st. The mad dash into doing one last good deed. The last day of the year aka that day everyone scramble their way to a perfect year-end blog/journal entry. That or scribbling furiously their new year's resolutions which we all know would be abandoned, at best midyear, or several months into the year.

And here we are. You bet I'm one of those people! In retrospect, I had a great and lovely year. I got to travel to new and old places, ate a lot of good food, spent quality time to people that matter even got promoted. To top it all, I was able to hit my target savings for 2014. Lord knows I did a lot of scrimping here and there, practiced maximum temporal self-restraint. I like to think I succeeded in achieving these goals while still not giving up on other things I love. Now that's quality (buhat ng sariling bangko)!

Below are photos that I believe perfectly sums up my 2013.

JANUARY. I went back to Singapore for vacation and spent 9 long, glorious days there. Getting in Singapore was a heck of an experience too (you can read all about it here). Nevertheless, I had so much fun as it was the Christmas vacation I never had. I got to try a lot of things I never got to try when JC and I went there in 2012. No pressure at all in covering things/places on a limited time which felt really great to be honest haha. Thank you to my friend host, Diane, for taking me in.

FEBRUARY. A charity climb for the benefit of the children of Itogon, Benguet. Mt. Ugo was a LONG and weary hike but seeing the delight on the kids' faces was all worth it.

MARCH. Second out of the country trip but this time with JC and friends. We got to visit Prambanan and Borubudur Temples in Yogyakarta and soak in the sun in Bali. We must come back to Bali though as there are are still a lot of things we missed/not covered when we were there. 

Oh, I almost forgot. I got engaged in Bali. This guy below praying at Tirta Empul proposed to me at Seminyak beach :)

APRIL. Joined my first TNF trail run at Baguio. 11k worth of sweat and screaming-with-pain legs.

MAY. Celebrated my birthday with Stan the T-Rex!

JUNE. 3 years anniversary working at Brady. My longest so far.

JULY. Finally finished reading these monsters. I was so bored with A Feast of Crows it took me a much longer time to finish that one. Oops. Can't wait for Winds of Winter!!

AUGUST. As a mountain climber, this is quite embarrassing on my part. I haven't climbed the famous Mt. Pinatubo yet so when the chance came up, I grabbed onto it. It might not look like what it was a few years ago but the magnificence of the volcano has always been intact.

Also, the Cheese and I went back to Boracay (only my second time) to celebrate his birthday.

SEPTEMBER. JC, Kimi and I participated in Greenpeace's #IceRide, a global bike ride protesting ice drilling in the Arctic region.

Also, The Killers live in Manila. No words.

OCTOBER. Celebrated our 5th Anniversary in Bacolod City. Joined our first triathlon relay with our friend Kimi.

NOVEMBER. The best batchoy in Iloilo and Guimaras's famous Mango Pizza. Kay ganda ng Pilipinas!

DECEMBER. Mt. Kan-laon. Friends, colleagues, love. Christmas, get togethers. 

I have a lot to be thankful for but most of all, I'm just thankful I'm alive, that I made it through another year. Everything else is a bonus. 

The ultimate selfie - at a volcano's crater!

How about you, what are you thankful for this 2013?

2013 Birthday Wish

Dear Papa Jesus,

I won't ask for any material things this coming 11th. Not even my usual socks and postcard wishes. All I'll ask is a good health. Please let me be healthy always. If possible, for as long as I shall live. You know I can't afford to be sick :(

Please and thank you.

Love,
Marye

Are You Who You Want To Be?

A random song shuffling and look how it led me to write here. 

This is your life, are you who you want to be

This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be

Such a powerful line from a song that makes you stop and ponder on life even if for a while. 

Was this what I dreamed of when I was six? Sixteen? Twenty-six? Certainly not. 

I dreamed of bigger things, grander ones that I've come to realize, now as a working adult, are pretty unrealistic. Since then, I've set up goals that are not as far-fetched, something doable no matter the difficulties (after all, obstacles are there to challenge us but never let it keep you from dreaming your dream and living your life, instead let it fuel them).

I wanted so many things in this life that sometimes naiiyak na lang ako kasi alam kong hindi ko talaga maa-achieve sa ganitong estado ng buhay ko. But when the brain fog clears, gusto kong kutusan ang sarili ko because I know maraming tao rin ang nagwiwish sa buhay na meron ako. That's when I say sorry to the Big Man, say my graces and be content of what I have right now.

I'm not a religious person but I absolutely believe in a higher power, a Supreme Entity that watches over us. I dislike it when people shoves down your throat their beliefs, those who are preachy and too godly to the point of umay level. I respect you but please understand and respect that not all people have the same belief as you have. 

Anyway, how apt. A pang-semana santa reflection post lang. 

10 years from now, I'd like to ask myself again the same question. And you know what, I'm actually kinda looking forward of what would be my answer by then. What about you, was it everything you dreamed it would be?

My 2013 Project

To start the year off I was supposed to do another round of photography project but realized that my previous project, maryelogsproject366, sounded more special than the regular 365 project I was about to embark this year. It was a leap year project after all.

I was looking for other ideas to pursue - N numbers of books to read, weekly/monthly photos, 365 things to do in 2013, etc. - but reckons I wouldn't be too focused on doing those stuff anyway that it would be a shame if I leave one project midway. 

So, I decided I won't do any of those this year. What I would do instead is read N number of books, stuff my face with as much food as it (and my wallet) can take, try new restaurants, travel to new destinations, watch more relevant films, work harder than ever and SAVE like there's no tomorrow. 

2013 will be the year of Machu Picchu/South America 2014 project planning because I know it will be a bitch.

A toast to all our new year dreams and goals.

My End-Of-The-World Thoughts Slash Rankles

So today the world was supposed to end, at least according to the Mayans. But it didn't. It was nice though, giggling and making fun of all the end-of-the-world tomfooleries. You know humans, we live for that. I enjoyed it too. We chose though to eat our way to this end of the world thing. My wallet is feeling the wrath.

Anyway, I've been wanting to write here for the longest time. Something that does not involve food. Something serious, something journal-worthy just because I've been SO STRESSED from work for the past two weeks.

Imagine. It's a few days before Christmas yet I don't feel it. Well I feel it in the hellish traffic (I lost my perfect attendance incentive because of it) and the throngs of people I chance on whenever I am steered to the malls. I especially detest going to the mall when Christmas is very near because it gets really really crazy. You are literally skin-to-skin with someone whose face you can't even see. I'm glad I skipped out on giving gifts this year because 1) I didn't have the time (and energy!) and 2) because I'm really saving up for something else. Kuripot na kung kuripot, sorry friends, bawi na lang ako next time! :))

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A few days ago I was griping about how some people have so many while others have none at all. You know, the usual why are we not created equal gripe. I can probably account it to STRESS, loneliness and history (in that order). When I look at my twitter and instagram feeds all I see are gifts, gifts, gifts and gifts. Bitter lang pala ko kasi wala kong natatanggap na regalo (well, meron naman. a few!) hahaha.

Not to be materialistic but I really felt sad. Usually it's their families who gave them their gifts. Pambihira, pamilya pa lang talo na ko. Tapos pag pasko, automatic na sila magbibigay sayo ng mga bagay-bagay, talo na naman ulit ako.

I envy people who have parents that provide for them. Kakain kayo sa restaurant, si father ang magbabayad. Bibilhan ka ni mother ng shoes, bag or kahit baby cologne lang. Bibigyan ka ng kapatid mo ng stickers, lotion or a slice of cake. You'll travel to places sagot ng parents mo, all you have to do is be there, eat, get fat and camwhore to your heart's desire.

I don't have that.

Most of the things I need I pay with my own hard-earned money. Sabi nga ng isang kanta ng Destiny's Child, the shoes on my feet I've bought it, the clothes I'm wearing I've bought it... The house I live in I've bought it (in my case I'm paying rent hahaha).

All my travels, I saved and paid for them. All the material things I've acquired since I became an indie (nakanampooch magamit lang), I am proud to say that I saved and paid for them. Karamihan ng mga pagkain na sinasaksak ko sa bibig ko eh binayaran ko naman. (Uy salamat sa lahat ng mga nanlibre at manlilibre pa sakin!!) :))

In fairness maraming nagbibigay sakin ng sapatos sinwerte ako dun! Well mostly my boyfriend (and a few friends) buy them for me granted I will never buy them for myself. Others bigay lang din sakin.

If I want something, I have to weigh everything first before deciding on making that purchase. But yes, I also buy stuff on impulse which I will mentally list down the reasons to in order to justify why I bought it.

So not to sound like a freeloader, I really enjoy it when other people picks up the tab or treat me with something/anything. That's the only time I feel that someone other than me is taking care of me.

Hindi dahil gusto ko laging magpalibre.

Ambabaw men.

But yeah, if you haven't exactly been in my shoes, you'd never understand it. This, however, is NOT an invitation or a parinig (ano ba sa English yun shet hindi ko alam) for anyone to pay for anything/everything UNLESS you absolutely, wholeheartedly want to hahaha.

Don't fret.. Magbabayad ako. Makikihati ako. Alam ko kung gaano kahirap kitain ang pera sa panahon ngayon.

But then whenever I think of my problem as oppose to starving people in the metro (wag na tayong lumayo), people who lost their families, homes and jobs in Mindanao, sick people, homeless people, dying kids, desaparecidos and so many more, I am so embarrassed.

First world problem dude.

At least ako I have roof on my head, food on my plate, internet connection, electricity, water in the faucet, gadgets, job, friends, a loving boyfriend, utorrent at marami pang iba!

So I ask Him to forgive me for all the evil thoughts na sumagi sa isip ko and for thinking this and that. Puro daw receiving ang nasa utak ko why not focus naman daw on giving! I'm sorreh Papa Jesus :(

Pero swear, hindi ko talaga maiwasang maasar - at alam kong MALI sya - dun sa mga taong nananalo sa raffle draws/lotto/contests/whatever giveaways pero afford naman nila yung mga napapanalunan/binibigay sa kanila. Nagkalat sa instagram ang mga ganitech!

O sya, patawad pong muli Bathala.

Let us rejoice because the world didn't end today. Like Y2k we'll look back to today in jest, we can still laugh and be silly amidst tragedies, we can still give brocolli/ampalaya/okra a chance, we can still stalk our crushes, we can still find out who Ted Mosby ends up with. We can still enjoy this life and eat our miseries away whenever shit hits the fan. These are only a few of the million things we have to be thankful for everyday.

Maligayang Pasko ebriwan!

PS:
I feel better now and has let go of silently cursing people receiving too many gifts hohoho.

28

I didn't get a cake on my birthday, instead I got this cutie cupcakes from the Cheese.

red velvet TMNT cupcakes

We all had a long day from work, then flying out to Laoag in the evening and walking around the city in search for an empanada. We promptly went back to our hotel a little before midnight.

Leonard lit the sparkler candles and all five of them in our room sang me a happy birthday song. Humabol na lang sina Ate Patty and Kuya Mac from the other room.

Oiliness is next to godliness

Wow, I'm 12! lol

Here's a close-up of Raphael the cuppy.

Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday whether on phone, fb, twitter, email or in person. It was nothing fancy but I'm happy I was out of town that day and in company of people that I love. Nuks.

Two more years and I'll be 30. I can't wait!

My Suka Stories from Our Recent Trip Abroad

Warning: The following story will either gross you out a bit (or more, I dunno, depends on you) or lose your respect to me (kung meron man lol). I just wanted to write this down because 10 years from now it'll be a good/gross story to tell to my... sige na nga, future kids. Or wala lang, for record keeping lang.

Before this story let me tell you that I've only puked once in my life. I was 13 and down with the flu.

I don't get sick on bus, plane nor boat rides. Kahit sa bitukang manok sa Quezon, nu-uh.

Not even on theme park rides like this:

So when I woke up in the middle of the night, retching all the wonderful food (not anymore?) I stuffed my mouth with the previous day, I said to myself "patay tayo dyan".

Breakfast came. Raymond cooked for us, I ate so little. While the boys were playing NBA2k12, eto na naman po. Goodbye breakfast.

Fast forward 2 hours to ION Orchard. I drank tea to settle KJ tummy, slept while JC ate his Chicken Rice alone (oo natulog ako sa Food Republic my gas!). After my 15-minute nap, I stood up and we went back to walking.

Wala pang 50 steps, out goes the barf bag and the tea I drank earlier. Sayang naman ng $2.

I was probably more embarassed by this though than when I puked on South Bridge Road (more of that later). If somebody asks me, "nagpunta ka ION Orchard?" I'd sweetly reply "yes! nagsuka pa nga ko dun e." How memorable no?


After an hour, I tried eating again. Orange + Banana fruit shake and Pork Spare Ribs. Himala of all himala it stayed on KJ tummy!

However, I can still feel angry stirrings inside KJ tummy so I didn't rejoice just yet.

Off to Tiong Bahru to search for the best Chicken Rice in SG, well, according to Anthony Bourdain. Wrong TV show. The Layover pala yung nasa Tiong Bahru. Dun tayo sa No Reservations days pa nya.

Hopped back on a train towards Tanjong Pagar (the nearest station to Maxwell Food Centre) that houses the best Chicken Rice in Singapore (totoo na 'to promise!).

In SG, basta pinipilahan alam mong okay dun. Wow lang sa pila.

I still didn't eat much. Screw you KJ tummy!

From Maxwell Road we turned left and traversed South Bridge Road to North Bridge Road, passing Chinatown and too many to mention streets. I think it was somewhere near Upper Circular Road when the nasty feeling from the pit of KJ tummy resurfaced.

Of course it had to happen while we were crossing the road. Those people crossing from the other side were probably giving me the stinky eye but I couldn't care less. Ang hirap kaya, feeling ko pati baga ko ilalabas ko na!

JC was so worried pa kasi I accidentally let loose a bit of fluids from my barf bag to the pavement e di ba LAHAT BAWAL AT MAY KAUKULANG BAYAD SA SG hahaha. Wala kaming pambayad ng fine! Pero I can explain myself naman IN CASE lang. I think.

Thank goodness wala namang pumitong pulis.

Then JC forced me to drink Yakult (which I don't drink), buti na lang Apple flavored so napagtyagaan. (although actually bumili rin sya nun para sa plastic kasi wala na kong plastic kung meron pa uling susunod :))

After ng nakakahiyang mga pangyayari, KJ tummy finally settled down a bit. No more retching but still, di pa din makakain ng matino hmp.

Yun lang.

There goes my grand dream of SG food trip. Lakas maka-experience amp.

Kinabukasan, when we were back in KL, I got my monthly period.

Kung minamalas ka nga naman.

Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus

Being raised by a hard-core Catholic grandmother I knew she would be beyond dismayed and would probably reckon my soul as damned if she ever finds out that I stopped going to church (or hearing mass) when I went to college. It would be unfair however to blame it all on UP's academic and religious freedom however, it is undeniable that the university really had a huge impact in moulding my personal and spiritual beliefs.

But I digress. I'm posting this video here because he was seriously spot-on about almost everything religion embodies since a millennium ago. I am not a preachy type of person - make that NEVER - but this kid threw some realm of truth that our church (or in my case, my grandmother) would never want us to descant (insert "erehe" or "filibustero" name calling here).

PS: I believe in God, in Jesus, the Architect, the Great Hand, the Maker of this universe or whatever other name He goes by. I just don't fully support what our church here is preaching. They have a major issue with consistency.

So Long 2011!

2011 taught me to be more patient than ever. To wait for everything to come on its own full circle. It brought me to new places that once upon a time were only just a dream. I also attended 4 weddings and a funeral (no pun intended!) which made me celebrate and appreciate life more than ever and throw away immediate marital visions and predictions haha.

It ain't much but as long as I'm still breathing, enjoying God's wonderful gifts and creations, I consider everything to be a blessing no matter how small or grand. Allow me to share the highlights of my year through photos:

January. Marikina walkathon with friends. We've been meaning to do this for the longest time and finally it just happened.

February. Cebu! Probably next to Baguio, this place holds a special place in my heart. Whenever I'm in Cebu, my tummy and palate is home :))

March. Something inside this little fangirl's heart died after watching her favoritest local band's last gig. Sugarfree, o kay tagal din kitang mamahalin...

April. Kai Mykonos L. Fernandez. This little bundle of joy may not be mine but in a way she was and many others.

May. I turned 27. I also went back to Sagada aka the zen place up north. Although I didn't see any of those magical wild horses, the experience was pretty magical already.

June. Baguio aka my second home (even though I have no house there!) to visit my godchild Mykonos who's gotten pudgier, bigger and longer! gush gushing galore.

July. All hell broke loose (and BBoyd didn't even take his shirt off ha) upon news of Incubus' return in Manila (it's their third time here already). Thank God I finally was able to catch 'em live albeit still from the farthest seat in Araneta haha.

August. Good God of heaven, I did it! I conquered the granddaddy of Philippine mountains. And despite blistered, soggy feet, dead-stiff knees, chilly nights, I made it to the summit of Mt. Apo. Not without help, of course :)

September. I admire how the local government maintains local tourism in this part of the country. Puerto Princesa Underground River's promotion and maintenance is no easy peasy but they do it so effortlessly I never complained for the prices I had to pay just to get there.

October. Salunat-Franco nuptial. Second wedding I attended this year (well, I didn't attend the Diaz-Gonzales wedding ceremony but I was there on their wedding party so it counts!). What a beautiful wedding.

November. I waited 11 months for this trip and when it finally came I was so happy I almost peed on my pants. Joke lang! When I was watching the closing fireworks in Disneyland I almost cried. Standing there, I relieved my childhood dream - heck, every child's dream - of going to Disneyland and can't thank the Lord enough for this wonderful, wonderful chance. Not many kid/people gets to fulfill their wishes, and on that moment I know that I was one very, very lucky kidult.

December. Another wedding to cap off the year. This time, the wedding of one of my closest - sige na nga bestfriend haha - college friends. Despite the humps and bumps before her big day, everything went greatly. It was a happy day/night especially after most of the guests left because then the real party started :))

If I was ever frustrated or angered in 2011, well happier memories replaced them cos I can't seem to remember them now (or I'm just still drunkenly giddy from the joyous new year celebration hee). The bottomline is, they are not important. What's important are the lessons I learned, the people I met, people who brought significant changes in my life and made me a better person than 2010, experiences that taught me to be wiser, tougher and better in everything be it work, personal relationships, social life, travel mishaps, everything! You know it's a good year if you learned something new and brought it with you the next year.

Thank you Lord Almighty for the year 2011. I am ready to embrace 2012 now.

What will you see?

Inasmuch as I fear death, I am also mystified by it. I fear death because I don't know what comes out of it, just like how our everyday illogical fears are rooted from not knowing anything. I wonder what will become of me when the Great Hand calls my name, I wouldn't know if I'll ever be ready. Who is anyway?

It dazzles me what afterlife would be. Where would I be? What would I see. what would I hear, will I find it to my liking or will it be what my religion has taught me it would be?

But in the grand scheme of things, whatever may be waiting for me, for us, in the beyond life, I hope the life that would flash in my very eyes are those memories that I so worked hard to be fulfilled. I wish to see a happy life being flashed at me and not images of a brassed off girl, silently wringing her hair while staring at her office monitor.

Down to the River

Some of the most successful people in this world had to go through various levels of hell before they got to where they currently are. For those that did, I say you deserve all the reaping you're getting.

~~

Living in the Philippines, where the severe gap between the rich and the poor is as obvious as a full moon in the night sky, can sometimes break your confidence and belief that someday, somehow your life will be better. With the top 10% families raking more money than the entire population of the country, and the middle class families just being their middle class selves, how do you suppose the 65 or more per cent of the Filipino families are faring with all these? This is the reason why I have a love and hate relationship with fancy spaces. At the end of the day, after ogling with all the wonderful, amazing and pretty things behind and beyond the windows, you know in your heart that you are different from them. They speak differently, act differently, move differently. I admit I feel inferior whenever I'm near their kind. I know it's not right but I just can't help it.

But it was something that I never felt during my short venture outside the country. Nor felt whenever traveling/seeing/interacting with other nationalities here in our own soil. Maybe because I see them eating the same food as we do in the same street food stalls, staying in places we ourselves would stay in -or sometimes even in places we ourselves couldn't imagine staying. Come to think of it, where they come from, I'm pretty sure they don't live anything like that. I dunno, maybe they're also middle class citizens of their respective nations but at least I don't see them getting very scared interacting with common people.

With our elite people here, expect the walls to be built up high. They're skeptic that way.

Just some random cents. More on this soon. Kthxbye.

On Dreaming Big

I want to travel to so MANY places but the problem is I've no idea how will I ever afford it. Well, I do have an idea and it's the most logical and sensible I can think of. By saving. I need to save a big chunk of money out of what I'm currently (and meagerly) earning, ditch unnecessary expenditures and stop purchasing things that I have no immediate and essential use of.

Discipline is the key.

If I want to achieve Bali and HK-Macau 2011, London 2012 and Machu Picchu 2014, I really, really, REALLY have to save. I need to manage my finances wisely and get rid of temporary urges. I need to follow that goal diligently. I need to focus on what I want to achieve.

So help me God.

Aside from the above mentioned goals, I also want to go to:

*Beijing - Great Wall of China
*Hanoi - Vientiane/Luang Prabang - Chiang Mai - Mandalay [northern Asian provinces backpacking]
*KK and KL
*Bangkok and Phuket - mainly because I have an unsettled business with Chatuchak and the beaches, oh the beaches
*An African safari
*Marrakech

and of course,

My very own holy grail: THE GREAT PYRAMIDS OF EGYPT.

I must stop with Egypt for now because the list will just go on and on and on...

Weekend Rundown

Sept. 9

My new baby has arrived. I originally planned of purchasing it after I got my backpay from my previous employer but then decided not to na lang because I wasn't so sure how long I will be unemployed. I could really use that savings to feed myself, pay the rent and travel from time to time (turns out I was jobless for 6 months, I've stretched those savings in more possible ways than I could thought of but it just wouldn't be possible without the Cheese financially supporting me!).

Sept. 10

Bought a screen protector for it. Tumataginting na 450 pesos jusme! Because of that, I have to settle for a very cheap case protector because I don't think I (erm the Cheese) can afford to buy a fancy one for that. Okay lang, as long as hindi malunod sa pawis at fingerprints ko yung item, I'm good with it!

Sept. 11

Plans for today:

* Dentist appointment
* Grocery shopping for our trip's toiletries and other stuff
* Watch Despicable Me (hopefully!)
* Not sure if getting the suitcase from Kimi's house (and packing that will ensue) will be in today's agenda. Depends.
* Tinker it!

Sept 12.

* Hopefully just stay home
* Watch UAAP Cheer Dance Competition. Yay. GO UP!
* Pack?!? As I will have no time to do it come Monday.

I feel exhausted now just thinking of it. Yikes!

Chuck Versus The Best Friend

I've always dreamt of a childhood bestfriend like the ones in TV series: Joey Potter & Dawson Leary, Kevin Arnold & Paul Pfeiffer, Cory Matthews & Shawn Hunter. Even Chuckie Finster and Tommy Pickles have been bestfriends since well, since they were rugrats!

Now, I have yet another TV show bestfriends that I'm immensely envious of.

Chuck Bartowski and Morgan Grimes.

This episode (Season 2, Episode 14) has got to be one of my favorite episodes ever. I've always been a sucker for bestfriend relationships, whether fictional or not. I value my friendship with each and every one of my friends with such reverence. Although some friendships may vary on different levels, one thing I'm sure of is that , and there is a great possibility that they are unaware of it, I appreciate and love them more than they will ever expect nor can imagine.

Chuck pretty much explained it why:

Sarah Walker: No, I get it he's your best friend.

Chuck Bartowski: You know you say that, but I don't think you have a clue what it means. Sarah, I don't have parents. I don't really talk about it because that's the way things are now. But it wasn't always this way. Morgan was there the first day my mom took off. He didn't say much. Because honestly what's a fifth grader supposed to say? But we sat there and split a cherry cheesecake and played Legend of Zelda all night long. And my dad, well that's - that's a whole other story. But Morgan was there for that too. Morgan is more than just my best friend. He's my family! Before you got here, and long after you've gone, Morgan is my family!

C-c-changes!

When I started this blog, what I had in mind was simple: a blog that would serve as an outlet of my emotional despairs and woes in life. You see, I was in college and consistently failing my math subjects, ongoing perennial financial troubles, dealing with social insecurities, crushed confidence, living with relatives thus commuting to school everyday on a _ _-peso allowance (seriously) and perpetually contemplating the plans and dreams I wanted to achieve. These ugly thoughts relentlessly swamp my brain I’m surprise… well, I’m surprise I didn’t do anything dumb that I will regret in my future life. To all that I thank my lack of ingenuity, spaced out mind and the unflagging support of my little circuit of trusted friends.

Fast forward to today.

Many things have happened in that 5 years. Thankfully I’m out of college now therefore have stopped failing math subjects, got a job I really like but still zero bank savings account (but hey I got coins in my bear bank if you could count that), I still have my social insecurities but who doesn’t, lives in a cramped and dingy room and brick by boring brick builds a bridge that will get me closer to my dreams.

I suppose it’s about time to replace this blog’s header title. Because whenever I read it, it reminds me a lot of my younger self. Although I could always claim that in a nutshell, I’ve had a much better life than half of the world’s population; it hadn’t been that really easy for me too. Tough, awkward, lonely, miserable times? There were plenty of those but now I am ready to leave them all behind. After all, I have more great memories than just all those things put together.

Yes, I’m sure the melancholic attacks won’t stop from here but I am sure I would handle each of them appropriately and accordingly. Age and maturity has a unique way of manifesting into our system. However, exercising maturity can become a purely selective process only. So, I don’t know. Does that even count?!?

I was leaning to something of “travel/adventure/tramping” ideas but then remembered that I don’t really do that stuff frequently as much as I fantasized about it. More often than not, I forget to post travel related posts (either I was too lazy, tired or have forgotten entirely about it) so there’s really no sense in focusing to one specific topic. Besides, I have tons of interest in life I wouldn’t contain myself to one subject only.

Up next is improving this site’s layout! I’m a bit clueless in that area but I am trying really, really hard to learn more about that so I can finally give it the look it deserves, something that reflects my personality without having to borrow other people’s creation.

In the meantime, see you in another five years, change.

Mindfuck

It's as if yesterday wasn't horrible enough, I woke up today thinking that it was just near quarter to eleven. That's good, considering I slept at past 4 in the morning because of a terrible headache. I was thinking that I still have a lot of time to make it to the Cheese's house. I took a bath.

Coming out of the bathroom, I noticed that the sun isn't too bright and intense for an 11 o' clock. Weird. Got into my room, changed. I was about to put on my watch when I saw the time: it says 10 minutes before 5. Wow. My watch probably stopped early in the morning. Weird. Then I looked at my other watch, the one where there are no numbers just dots, and saw the ugly truth. It was actually almost 5 in the afternoon. Oh God.

The Cheese was probably waiting for me since noon and he can't contact me because I turned off my phone before going to sleep because I'm sure there will be a couple of people who'll be calling me and asking me where I was.

See, the thing is this. Yesterday, I quit my part-time job. I decided that I won't come in again because it makes me sick. How the whole thing works, how I thought I was supposed to do this task but turns out I do other irrelevant things not related to my line of work. Instructions got lost somewhere and what was I to do? I'm supposed to be researching and writing stuff but instead I spend my day under the intense heat, watching drivers register for emission tests, give away hand outs, speak in public. My boss' staff think that I should do the photocopying and in charge of LCD too. Honestly, I was not even told that I was supposed to do those things. I was told that I should report thrice a week only but now they are telling me that I should be there every time there is a seminar and that I should come on a Sunday. WORK ON A FREAKING SUNDAY. C'mon. I did not signed up for that. No I didn't.

I want clear instructions, a job that does not do crossovers. Maybe I could do that too if I'm a regular employee who gets the right cut but I don't. I don't even get paid. Sure I got a couple of hundred pesos but it sure wasn't enough. I am a very patient person I believe and was never the type to quit on things like that. But I don't like what I see, I don't like the attitudes going on inside government offices. It scares the hell out of me. I was never the righteous one but I know right from wrong.

That was the FML moment yesterday. Today, waking up at 4 in the afternoon and thinking it was only 11 is the FML moment. I feel bad for the Cheese for waiting and not knowing what the hell happened to me. And I am sorry for that. I feel bad for the lost time.

I don't ever want that to happen again. Lord no. It honestly terrified me. Now I have to scram because I have a trip to catch in less than 2 hours and I still have to pack.

Indeed

Today will definitely be remembered as one of those FML moments.

PS:
No. The intense heat did not make me do this. A little, but not entirely. FML.

Hello? Kthxbye.

It baffles me. How some people (and people in here means friends) can nonchalantly be insensitive to other people's feelings, brushing aside this small little facts in your life that you don't have an inkling about and telling you that they thought it doesn't matter WHEN in fact you haven't seen nor communicated with each other for so long now so it does really matter somehow right? I mean, some people are just trying to find out what's up with their friends' life, reconnecting even if apparently the other party seem to have forgotten about the other. For cripe's sake the person just misses you and what do you do? Talk about people you're always with. Some reconnection huh? I know I'm babbling nonsense and probably nobody could give a hoot but hey I'm sorry I do give a hoot. Just please stay put for say about 10 seconds? I just missed you. Crap.

Garapalan Na!

Napagandang welcome back ang isinalubong ng syudad sakin after manggaling sa isang island trip somewhere in Quezon (more on that on later post). First time kong ma-experience ang madukutan nang harap-harapan!

Habang naghihintay ng bus papuntang Trinoma sa may Kamuning MRT station, hindi ko naman inakala na yung mga mamang nasa paligid-ligid ay may mga masasamang balak pala. Naisip ko pa na sila yung tipo ng mga lalaking pauwi na sa kani-kanilang mga tahanan after a hard day's work.

Aba nung may dumating na bus (Don Mariano if I remember it correctly) biglang nakipaggitgitan sakin paakyat sa bus. Parang normal pa nga para sakin kasi syempre medyo punuan, kaso parang halos 30 segundo na ata kaming nandun lang sa may pintuan ng bus at di makapasok. Maya-maya may kamay na na pumapasok sa kaliwang bulsa ko. Pakshet agad ang una kong naisip, sabay tinitigan ko yung katabi kong Manong at sinabihan sya ng "grabe naman yan kuya tsk tsk".

It finally dawned to me, matapos makapasok at makaupo sa loob ng bus, na scam lang ang lahat. Wala pang 100 metro e bumaba na yung tatlong gunggong na tinititigan ko pa rin at sinasabihan ng "Garapalan naman!". Hanggang sa yung mga katabi ko ay nagke-kwento na kung pano nila nakita na yung kamay nung isa sa maga lalaki ay nasa loob na ng bag ko, etc.

True enough, bukas nga ang isang zipper ng bag ko. Pero nagpapasalamat ako na si Boris ang dala kong bag kasi yung isang compartment at main zipper nya ay mahirap mabuksan dahil nakatago. At ang compartment na nabuksan lang ng gunggong na manong ay harmless. Wala silang nakuha maliban sa tootbrush ko na marahil pagkakuha ay inihagis na lang sa may upuan.

Naisip ko pa nga na baka kasabwat pa nila ang drayber at konduktor kasi alam nila kung saan hihinto at pabababain ang mga hinayupak eh. Sa sobrang pagkalito ko tuloy sa Quezon Ave. ako bumqaba dahil na-distract ako sa lightings ng Centris Station, napagkamalan kong Trinoma na. Di na tuloy ako nakapagbayad ng pamasahe. Okay lang. Kasi if ever, wala na rin naman akong cash sakin dahil kinuha na nila yung 150 pesos ko sa bulsa.

*uck you. Magtrabaho naman kayo ng marangal. Dinudungisan nyo ang imahe ng syudad na 'to at ng mga mahihirap na tao na kumakayod sa mabuting paraan!