Friday, December 21, 2012

My End-Of-The-World Thoughts Slash Rankles

So today the world was supposed to end, at least according to the Mayans. But it didn't. It was nice though, giggling and making fun of all the end-of-the-world tomfooleries. You know humans, we live for that. I enjoyed it too. We chose though to eat our way to this end of the world thing. My wallet is feeling the wrath.

Anyway, I've been wanting to write here for the longest time. Something that does not involve food. Something serious, something journal-worthy just because I've been SO STRESSED from work for the past two weeks.

Imagine. It's a few days before Christmas yet I don't feel it. Well I feel it in the hellish traffic (I lost my perfect attendance incentive because of it) and the throngs of people I chance on whenever I am steered to the malls. I especially detest going to the mall when Christmas is very near because it gets really really crazy. You are literally skin-to-skin with someone whose face you can't even see. I'm glad I skipped out on giving gifts this year because 1) I didn't have the time (and energy!) and 2) because I'm really saving up for something else. Kuripot na kung kuripot, sorry friends, bawi na lang ako next time! :))


A few days ago I was griping about how some people have so many while others have none at all. You know, the usual why are we not created equal gripe. I can probably account it to STRESS, loneliness and history (in that order). When I look at my twitter and instagram feeds all I see are gifts, gifts, gifts and gifts. Bitter lang pala ko kasi wala kong natatanggap na regalo (well, meron naman. a few!) hahaha.

Not to be materialistic but I really felt sad. Usually it's their families who gave them their gifts. Pambihira, pamilya pa lang talo na ko. Tapos pag pasko, automatic na sila magbibigay sayo ng mga bagay-bagay, talo na naman ulit ako.

I envy people who have parents that provide for them. Kakain kayo sa restaurant, si father ang magbabayad. Bibilhan ka ni mother ng shoes, bag or kahit baby cologne lang. Bibigyan ka ng kapatid mo ng stickers, lotion or a slice of cake. You'll travel to places sagot ng parents mo, all you have to do is be there, eat, get fat and camwhore to your heart's desire.

I don't have that.

Most of the things I need I pay with my own hard-earned money. Sabi nga ng isang kanta ng Destiny's Child, the shoes on my feet I've bought it, the clothes I'm wearing I've bought it... The house I live in I've bought it (in my case I'm paying rent hahaha).

All my travels, I saved and paid for them. All the material things I've acquired since I became an indie (nakanampooch magamit lang), I am proud to say that I saved and paid for them. Karamihan ng mga pagkain na sinasaksak ko sa bibig ko eh binayaran ko naman. (Uy salamat sa lahat ng mga nanlibre at manlilibre pa sakin!!) :))

In fairness maraming nagbibigay sakin ng sapatos sinwerte ako dun! Well mostly my boyfriend (and a few friends) buy them for me granted I will never buy them for myself. Others bigay lang din sakin.

If I want something, I have to weigh everything first before deciding on making that purchase. But yes, I also buy stuff on impulse which I will mentally list down the reasons to in order to justify why I bought it.

So not to sound like a freeloader, I really enjoy it when other people picks up the tab or treat me with something/anything. That's the only time I feel that someone other than me is taking care of me.

Hindi dahil gusto ko laging magpalibre.

Ambabaw men.

But yeah, if you haven't exactly been in my shoes, you'd never understand it. This, however, is NOT an invitation or a parinig (ano ba sa English yun shet hindi ko alam) for anyone to pay for anything/everything UNLESS you absolutely, wholeheartedly want to hahaha.

Don't fret.. Magbabayad ako. Makikihati ako. Alam ko kung gaano kahirap kitain ang pera sa panahon ngayon.

But then whenever I think of my problem as oppose to starving people in the metro (wag na tayong lumayo), people who lost their families, homes and jobs in Mindanao, sick people, homeless people, dying kids, desaparecidos and so many more, I am so embarrassed.

First world problem dude.

At least ako I have roof on my head, food on my plate, internet connection, electricity, water in the faucet, gadgets, job, friends, a loving boyfriend, utorrent at marami pang iba!

So I ask Him to forgive me for all the evil thoughts na sumagi sa isip ko and for thinking this and that. Puro daw receiving ang nasa utak ko why not focus naman daw on giving! I'm sorreh Papa Jesus :(

Pero swear, hindi ko talaga maiwasang maasar - at alam kong MALI sya - dun sa mga taong nananalo sa raffle draws/lotto/contests/whatever giveaways pero afford naman nila yung mga napapanalunan/binibigay sa kanila. Nagkalat sa instagram ang mga ganitech!

O sya, patawad pong muli Bathala.

Let us rejoice because the world didn't end today. Like Y2k we'll look back to today in jest, we can still laugh and be silly amidst tragedies, we can still give brocolli/ampalaya/okra a chance, we can still stalk our crushes, we can still find out who Ted Mosby ends up with. We can still enjoy this life and eat our miseries away whenever shit hits the fan. These are only a few of the million things we have to be thankful for everyday.

Maligayang Pasko ebriwan!

I feel better now and has let go of silently cursing people receiving too many gifts hohoho.

2 comments: said...

wow hanep sa bigat ng undertones. umaandertones si tbud!

merry christmas and a happy 2013!

an2netluv said...

What a great entry. Sobrang gets ko ang mga sinasabi mo. You should be proud! Dugo't pawis, at di biro ang mga napuntahan mo ha.