Art on the Wall

Pretty sure this was a photo my friend Kimi took roughly a year ago.

I have no ref..

but by golly I'm so rich. Salamat Bathala!

Hindi ako umiyak pero malapit na malapit na..

Masakit lang isipin na may kaibigan kang gustong makasama pero hindi ikaw ang gusto niyang kasama.

P*ta /wrist moment yun ah.

Pag si Kaibigang A ang mag-aaya, hala sige. Keber sa komplikasyon. Pag si Kaibigang B ang nag-aya, walang pag-aalinlangan. Pag si Kaibigang Z mag-aaya, katakut-takot na pilitan at negosasyon pa ang kailangan.

Langya. Tamang nakikilimos na nga lang sa atensyon at oras.

Yelo. Kailangan ng puso ko ng yelo. Pangpamanhid lang.

Funeral Blues

I give credit to Four Weddings and a Funeral film for recognizing this awfully sad poem by poet W.H. Auden. It was the poem that John Hannah's character read aloud when his partner, Gareth, died.

While it may not always talk about death, I think this poem can aptly summarize any human being's emotional grief. I am seriously pondering of memorizing this beautiful piece in case I don't find the right words for my own grief.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

C-c-changes!

When I started this blog, what I had in mind was simple: a blog that would serve as an outlet of my emotional despairs and woes in life. You see, I was in college and consistently failing my math subjects, ongoing perennial financial troubles, dealing with social insecurities, crushed confidence, living with relatives thus commuting to school everyday on a _ _-peso allowance (seriously) and perpetually contemplating the plans and dreams I wanted to achieve. These ugly thoughts relentlessly swamp my brain I’m surprise… well, I’m surprise I didn’t do anything dumb that I will regret in my future life. To all that I thank my lack of ingenuity, spaced out mind and the unflagging support of my little circuit of trusted friends.

Fast forward to today.

Many things have happened in that 5 years. Thankfully I’m out of college now therefore have stopped failing math subjects, got a job I really like but still zero bank savings account (but hey I got coins in my bear bank if you could count that), I still have my social insecurities but who doesn’t, lives in a cramped and dingy room and brick by boring brick builds a bridge that will get me closer to my dreams.

I suppose it’s about time to replace this blog’s header title. Because whenever I read it, it reminds me a lot of my younger self. Although I could always claim that in a nutshell, I’ve had a much better life than half of the world’s population; it hadn’t been that really easy for me too. Tough, awkward, lonely, miserable times? There were plenty of those but now I am ready to leave them all behind. After all, I have more great memories than just all those things put together.

Yes, I’m sure the melancholic attacks won’t stop from here but I am sure I would handle each of them appropriately and accordingly. Age and maturity has a unique way of manifesting into our system. However, exercising maturity can become a purely selective process only. So, I don’t know. Does that even count?!?

I was leaning to something of “travel/adventure/tramping” ideas but then remembered that I don’t really do that stuff frequently as much as I fantasized about it. More often than not, I forget to post travel related posts (either I was too lazy, tired or have forgotten entirely about it) so there’s really no sense in focusing to one specific topic. Besides, I have tons of interest in life I wouldn’t contain myself to one subject only.

Up next is improving this site’s layout! I’m a bit clueless in that area but I am trying really, really hard to learn more about that so I can finally give it the look it deserves, something that reflects my personality without having to borrow other people’s creation.

In the meantime, see you in another five years, change.