Thursday, June 30, 2005

Whatever Happened to Gonzo and Big Dipper?

Nasan na kaya sya? Naiisip pa ba nya ko? Ang blue swirl? Mahigit apat na buwan ko na rin syang di nakikita, ni balita wala, ni text wala. Lagi na ring ganito, minsan buong sem ko syang di makikita kahit nasa loob lang kami ng iisang campus. Pero matagal na panahon na din yun, nasa mas malaking mundo na sya ngayon. Hindi na acads ang pinoproblema nya. Kung nakikita lang sana nya ko ngayon, I bet, she’ll be proud. Di na ko ang super sensitive na marye noon. Definitely did grow up. Sayang, wala sya nung mga panahong may triumphant at failure moments ako. Si bleep! pa nga yata ang alam nyang crush ko e. Andami nang nagbago. Wala na kong alam sa buhay nya. Nakakamiss ang boses nya. Sya lang bukod tanging taong nagpupunas ng tumutulo kong kamay. Total opposites. Imagine mo yun? Wonder where she is now..
*para sa pinakamagandang tao na nakilala ko, inside and out, si Vianne.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

isang maligalig na sandali sa buhay ni blacKoUt

"you know when to stop..but the heart can be deceiving sometimes.
guard your heart" :)
Natuwa lang ako sa comment na 'to ng aking mahal na kaibigan. hmmm..siguro nga. malalaman naman natin kung ayaw na at kung di na kaya di ba? minsan naiisip ko na wag na lang talaga. wala naman kasi kong mapapala in the end, medyo nagkakaroon na nga ko ng mood swings depende sa mga nangyari at di nangyari. masaya one minute, next minute e malungkot na. pero, baka masyado lang ako nagpapaapekto. yun yung masama.
so, tama! hinay lang. heart can really be deceiving. kailangan pa ring magtira para sa sarili.
*thanks honeybun!

Monday, June 27, 2005

My Bestfriend's Wedding idea 'to!

"Lord, we don't need another mountain,
There are mountains and hillsides enough to climb,
There are oceans and rivers enough to cross,
Enough to last 'til the end of time.
What the world needs now,
Is love, sweet love."
-Jackie DeShannon, What the World Needs Now Is Love-

need i say more? e sinabi na nya e! pero gusto ko pa din magdagdag.:)
Amidst all the corruption, deaths, poverty, calamities and broken hearts, si God lang naman ang kailangan nating tawagin e. The One Great Love of Mankind..

*para sa lahat ng single.someday,somewhere,somehow.

of rainy nights, full moon and broken hearts

i was running away from that place
when i realized, i was actually running away from you.
every drop of the rain are pain that i think i would have to endure
and so, walking away was all that filled my head.
until seeing those drops brought me to a distant memory..
"it ain't that bad if there was someone running with you beneath the rain,
actually, walking won't be that bad at all".

all that you can't leave behind..

* im leaving behind now.

Almost....

sabi ng mga kaibigan ko bakit daw ang lungkot ng mga entries ko lately. nung araw na yun lang mga tsong. nakapag-isip isip na ko after nun. medyo nauntog lang ako sa katotohanan. realizations etc. etc.. in short, alang pag-asa. pero naalala ko na aware pala ko na walang happy ending 'tong pinapasukan ko. nadismaya lang ako for a while. pero naisip ko, pakakawalan mo ba nagpapasaya sayo? ano honey at ate?!

so, yun. hits and misses lang naman. more on misses pero masaya naman pala e.

*lookin forward still.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Happiness Part Two

...laughter still ringing in my ears even at the wee hours of the morning

...gives certain spark to a nevertheless weary day

...the stare that will drive you mad

...the distance of moon to the earth

...him,

...the one that will never be mine for it already belongs to...



*so, happiness ba 'to?! dapat melancholy di ba? hay...relative na lng. dapat ba kong matuwa or what?dyaskeng buhay!

Letting Go of Fievel

six years ago, i [practically] swore that anyone who would give me "An American Tail" CD would probably end up as "the one" because, well, let's just say that i was that shallow to think that i would end up with somebody decent enough to be my guy. Ha! Talk about teenage hormones at its height. I never realized that making that vow has actually chronicled my life as a person.

why american tail? few people know this stuff because it's not something to brag about. i don't go telling people that i do want this particular CD because blah blah blah and yadah yadah yadah. until now. I've finally muster enough sense out of reality to still believe in this kind of stuff. honestly, i don't think anyone would've guess that i was pining for it. who would anyway? mostly it was about the soundtrack, which i believe every kid in this planet knows. Somewhere out there. You could probably guess now, don't ya think?

Somewhere Out There

Fv: Somewhere out there,
beneath the pale moonlight,
someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight.

Ty: Somewhere out there,
someone's saying a prayer,
that we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there.

Ty: And even though I know how very far apart we are,
it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star.

Fv: And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby,
it helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky.

Together: Somewhere out there,
if love can see us through,
then we'll be together, somewhere out there,
out where dreams come true.

Somewhere out there, the astral half of mine hasn't figured out everything yet. somewhere beneath this sky, we will walk past each other never realizing the dreams. So, until then, i have to throw away the childhood stuff and welcome the harsh reality of life. after all, i'm not 15 anymore and days are slowly becoming shorter and shorter.

*it's been a nice 6 years of waiting but we shouldn't be contented of just waiting. sometimes letting it go could be the next best thing.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

happiness was never around the corner...

because it could be darn right at your face staring at you all these time.
never moving,always the hand that'll take you everytime you get yourself smacked right at the middle down to the bottom. the one who have always admired you from afar because you were too busy checking out your own universe across someone else's fence..

so, take a look from time to time. she might be the last star that will finally complete your galaxy. who knows?

Friday, June 17, 2005

The Curse of Last Song Syndrome

The Day You Said Goodnight
Hale

Take me as you are
Push me off the road
The sadness I need this time to be with you
I'm freezing in the sun
I'm burning in the rain
The silence I'm screaming
Calling out your name

And I do
Reside in your heat
Put out the fire with me and find
Yeah you lose the side of your circles
That's what I'll do if we say goodbye

To be is all I got to be
And all that I see
And all that I need this time
To me the life you gave me
The day you said goodnight

The calmness in your face
That I see through the night
The warmth of your light is pressing unto us
You didn't ask me why
I never would have known
Oblivion is falling down

To be is all I got to be
And all that I see
And all that I need this time
To me the life you gave me
The day you said goodnight

If you could only know me
Like your prayers at night
Then everything between you and me will be alright

To be is all I got to be
And all that I see
And all that I need this time
To me the life you gave me
The day you said goodnight

She's already taken
She's already taken
She's already taken me

She's already taken
She's already taken
She's already taken me

The day you said goodnight..

*di ko naman tlga gusto tong kantang to.naririnig lng kasi madalas.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

the other me

it's official.
i am now leading two lives.
estudyante sa umaga, cinderella sa gabi.
bakit ngayon pa? kung kelan 21 units ako at overly wishing to graduate soon.
sana last sem na lang nangyari.
i am back there and again.
kala ko pa naman maayos na buhay ko.
deja vu ba ito?
kasi parang nakita ko na to, 3 years ago,from the life i'm so trying to leave behind.
fairytales suck. sino ba nakaisip ng idea ng happily ever after?
tsk,tsk. kung sino man sya, he/she probably never experienced pain and suffering.
melancholy at its height....
there..
grieve. yun lang naman e.

* God help me get through.

11 things i like about clark

1. pinapasaya nya ko, just the mere thought. :)
2. something to look forward to each day
3. deep
4. mysterious
5. something new in my monotonous life.
6. napapatawa ko sya
7. mahilig sya sa libro
8. at least nakikita ko sya...
9. iba
10. makulit din kahit topakin pa
11. hay...

*code name lang ang "clark". ;)

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Paboritong Kanta Volume I Number 3

"The Saddest Song"
-The Ataris-

Only two more days, until your birthday
Yesterday was mine
You'll be turning five
I know what it's like, growing up without your father in your life
So I pretend, I'm doing all I can
And I hope someday you'll find it in your heart

To understand
Why I'm not around
And forgive me for not being in your life

I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Remember waiting there to find nothing at all
I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Waiting there to find nothing at all

maybe someday
you really get to know me
not just the letters read to you
I pray I get the chance
To make it up to you
We got a lot of catching up to do

So I pretend, I'm doing all I can
And hope someday you'll find it in your heart

To understand
Why I'm not around
And forgive me for not being in your life

I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Remember waiting there to find nothing at all
I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Waiting there to find nothing at all

Forgive me!
I'm so sorry!
I will make it up to you....

*sounds familiar.:)

Filler...

"All our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering, if somewhere, somehow, there is someone perfect who might be searching for us."
Kevin Arnold, The Wonder Years


Si Kevin Arnold ay character sa isa sa mga favorite shows ko sa disney channel, ang 'The Wonder Years'. Madami kong natutunan sa kanya, in fairness. Kahit medyo magkaiba kami ng generation that time,feeling ko pareho lang naman. Normal teenage musings nya about life,love,war,families,friends and school. May isa pang linya,kaya lang sad to say, naka-save sya sa nawala kong phone. Pero maaalala ko din yun, di nga lang muna ngayon.


*looking back on my so-called childhood

Paboritong Kanta Volume I Number 2

Slide
-Goo Goo Dolls

Could you whisper in my ear
The things you wanna feel
I'll give you anything
To feel it coming
Do you wake up on your own
And wonder where you are
You live with all your faults

I wanna wake up where you are
I won't say anything at all
So why don't you slide

Yeah were gonna let it slide

Don't you love the life you killed
The priest is on the phone
Your father hit the wall
Your ma disowned you
Don't supposed I'll ever know
What it means to be a man
Something I can't change
I'll live around it

I wanna wake up where you are
I won't say anything at all
So why don't you slide

And I'll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothing that fall
Oh may
Put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
Oh May
Do you wanna get married or run away

And I'll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothing that fall
Oh may
Put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
Oh may
Do you wanna get married or run away
I wanna wake up where you are
I won't say anything at all

*ako nga si May.;)

25 Things I Miss In Aurora

1. Sabang Beach
2. Aircon
3. Tilian sa madaling-araw
4. Puno ng niyog
5. Byaheng Maria Aurora.
6. Bay's Inn
7. Mabahong tubig
8. Baradong Sink
9. Bihirang jeep
10. Malinis na hangin





11. Yung pond
12. Actually yung buong compound!
13. malabong channel 7
14. magsulat sa logbook
15. gumising ng super late
16. kumain ng halo-halong 12 pesos lang
17. Bazal-Baubo Falls!
18. Mag-trek
19. Mag-videoke
20. Mang-asar ng faculty
21 Tumunganga dahil walang magawa o brownout lang
22. Bangin sa Villa Aurora
23. Sumakay sa trak at mga walang bubong na sasakyan
24. Rolling cart sa Baler
25. personal moments...akin na lng yun.:)


*babalik daw kami,soon.

Paboritong Kanta Volume I Number 1

No Rain
-Blind Melon-

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watchin the puddles gather rain
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two
And speak my point of view but itts not sane, its not sane

I just want someone to say to me
I'll always be there when you wake
Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made

And I don't understand why I sleep all day
And I start to complain that theres no rain
And all I can do is read a book to stay awake
It rips my life away but its a great escape...escape...escape

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
You don't like my point of view
Ya think that I'm insane
Its not sane... its not sane

I just want someone to say to me
I'll always be there when you wake
Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made


*tamang-tama, astig!

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Happiness...Part One

Masaya.

It's been a while.

Haven't felt the way i feel today,
it's so long it's hard for me to specify.

I'm sitting down here but hey, you can't see me
Kinda invisible you don't sense my stay..

Medyo may kadramahan tong mga ginagawa ko ngayon pero ala e, iba. Nasa higher ground ako ngayon.Ala munang makakakontra at di muna ko papaapekto. Carpe Diem!Sa 2 taong nakakaalam kung sino sya, salamat sa pag-unawa at pakikinig sa mga musings ko.:)

*para sa natagpuang si clark..hehe.
**I do not intend to wake up in this reverie...at least not for a while.:)
***mga title at lyrics sila ng kanta that aptly defines my current state.